Deidara in Wonderland
by DangoGonzo
Summary: Deidra falls into a rabbit hole on a mission. It takes him to wonderland, an upsidedown world where all the members of the Akastuki are characters from Alice in wonderland. RATED M for strong language, and mature themes
1. Chapter 1

Deidera and Sasori were wandering the seemingly endless woods of the hidden leaf village on a mission. Sasori was too caught up in completing the mission to notice Deidera.

They were sent to infiltrate the hidden leaf village. Sasori, of course, was extremely focused and cautious. Deidera, on the other hand, was unfocused and wanting to complete his own mission, impressing Sasori.

Had he paid attention, Deidera would have avoided falling into a bottomless rabbit hole. His screams remained unheard by Sasori. "How the hell am I going to get out" Deidera thought as he was whipped by a thousand tree roots. An idea struck him, he split his legs. They made contact with the walls of the burrow and slowed his fall. Dirt spattered against Deidera's face. He hastily rummaged through his pockets, but found his clay depleted.

Dammit, Sasori was right! He should have stocked up with extra clay. It shouldn't have taken any clay to take out those leaf village ninjas. He just wanted to impress Sasori.

His legs began to quiver.

! Deidera screamed as he fell to his imminent demise.

Miraculously, he landed on a soft velvet cushion. An inch away, was an iron spike that would surely have impaled him. Upon closer inspection, it appeared to be a broken clock hand.

A short figure scuttled past him. "Wait!" Deidera grabbed his shoulder and turned him around. To his surprise, it was Kakuzu. "Oh blast it all. I'm going to be late, the blue queen will surely have my head" Kakuzu cried as he began to scamper off.

"Hold on!" said Deidera "Kakuzu, how am I to get out of this place?"

"I have no time for this Alice, here" Kakuzu thrust a glass bottle into his open hands,"Use this to get in the door. Now I really must be off, time is money" and with that, he disappeared.


	2. Chapter 2

Holy fuck, Deidera thought, how the hell am I going to get out of this one? I'm sure Sasori would have a plan, he always does. It would be too difficult to scale the walls, he hadn't the strength nor the stamina. Deidera searched around frantically. Beneath his foot, lay a miniscule yellow door. There's no way he could fit in there, but wait! The bottle Kakuzu gave him. The glass on the bottle was chipped and the label faded, but the writing was eligible:

_Shrinking elixir_

_One dose per bottle_

_May cause headache, nausea, and muscle spasms._

_WARNING:  
>Will not shr…<em>

The rest couldn't be made out from the faded leather. Well, it's worth a try. Deidera popped off the cork and took a long swig. There was a certain fizz to the beverage. Although the bubbles weren't going down, they seemed to collect together in the middle of his stomach. As they moved together, Deidera shrunk. He shrunk out of his clothes, oh so that's what it was saying: _Will not shrink __**clothes. **_It would have been nice to know that beforehand.

Deidera shivered as he walked to the hideous yellow door. Upon opening it, he reeled back. The odour that reeked from the hallway was indescribable. It made him gag, Deidera forced himself to avert his attention elsewhere. The hallway was decorated with dingy striped wallpaper.

Shakily, he walked through the odorous hall. The repulsive aroma worsened as he walked. Eventually, Deidera reached to the end of the hallway. Beside a similarly coloured door, was a coat rack that upheld a blue frilly dress. "Oh no" Deidera thought," there's no way I'd be caught dead wearing that". He ignored the dress and tried to open the door. He looked back at the dress, "You have got to be kidding me. I'm going to have to…. Arrg!" Deidera snatched the dress off the hanger and slipped it on. The small amount of pride he still had left was gone.

"This had better work" Deidera thought as he turned the knob on the door again. This time, it easily glided open to a vast expanse of land. Green rolling hills as far as his eye could see. On a nearby hill there was a long table piled high with assortments of tea sets. Along the table sat Sasori and Kakuzu. Sasori smiled gently at Deidera,

"Welcome Alice"

He performed a large sweeping movement.

"To wonderland"


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note:**** From now on, every chapter will start with a swear word. It's becoming a small tradition for me. Thank you for writing reviews, it may mean nothing to you but a lot to me.**

**Oh yeah, I realize I've been misspelling Deidara's name.**

***Bows***

**PLEASE FORGIVE ME! **

"Damn, things keep on getting weirder and weirder. Why do people keep on calling me Alice?" Deidara thought. Sasori walked towards him "You're just in time for tea Alice, do take a seat" he offered as he pulled up a chair. Kakuzu mumbled something about the importance of punctuality. Deidara sat obediently "What the hell is going on Sasori?" Sasori sipped his tea coolly "I just told you, you're in Wonderland now. They call me the mad hatter, Alice, I suggest you call me by that name as well" Deidara flushed for no apparent reason "Sa-" Sasori grimaced, "I mean Hatter" Deidara corrected himself "Why are you calling me Alice? Why does everyone call me Alice?".

Sasori frowned "Is that not your name?".

"No, it's not. My name is Deidara"

"Dei-dar-a" Sasori pronounced every syllable, he sipped some tea "Isn't that a boy's name?"

"I'm a guy!" Deidara almost yelled

Sasori spit white mist into Deidara's face. He burst out laughing "Oh Alice, you tell the strangest things"

"It's true" Deidara stammered

"That's preposterous Alice! Why else would you be wearing the dress I made especially for you? You say the silliest things, sometimes I wonder who's really mad"

Deidara blushed, there was obviously no point in making sense of him. Kakuzu checked his pocket watch "I mustn't stay any longer, I must be off" He walked four steps in front of him then sunk into the ground. Deidara went over to the spot he disappeared. "A rabbit hole?" Deidara thought. "The burrows in Wonderland are everywhere. They allow a fast and easy method of transport. Although a bit messy" Sasori explained. Deidara was curious "Listen Sa… Hatter! I've got to get out of here! How exactly do you leave wonderland?"

Sasori thought for a moment. "I suppose you'd have to ask The blue queen for permission to leave. Then you'd have to visit the white" he coughed loudly "King for permission. Then you have permission to exit Wonderland".

Deidara sighed "But how will I get there?".

Sasori gave him a puzzled look "Isn't it obvious Alice? You have to take the burrows"


End file.
